If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
