Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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