...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
