I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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