the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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