Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
