I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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