So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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