I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
