I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
