he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
