I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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