i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
