saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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