it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
