Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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