do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
