if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
