if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
