never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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