I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
