They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
