How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
