we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
