She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
