I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
