we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
