At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
