I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.