i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?