He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.