everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED