I just saw a hot homeless man
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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