grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
