im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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