a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
how drunk are you?
Several
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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