idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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