i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
