areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
