Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
