these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I intend to get homeless drunk
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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