By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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