One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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