WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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