the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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