I wish life had little blips of pornography
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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