I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
