There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
