Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.