Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.