I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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