Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
