Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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