from now on my penis is your penis
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
