I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
