remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize