Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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