it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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