tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
