Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
