i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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