Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
