There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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