summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
