Small penises have feelings too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
