Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
