What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
