Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
