Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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