hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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