Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
