I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
