census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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