Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
