Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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