People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
