I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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